It’s not learning how to be single, it’s learning how to be alone.

On a recent date night with my fella we went to the cinema and I really wanted to go see the new film: How to be single. I know, what an impression to give, but I really wanted to see it and I’d heard so many good things.

In the end we both really enjoyed the film. It was filled with laughs courtesy of the four female protagonists including my girl-crush Dakota Johnson.There was also some very sweet, tender and philosophical moments in it – as you expect because it was an awesome book first.

Now, this isn’t a film review, I am getting somewhere with all this.

In the film Johnson’s character Alice has to learn how to be single after dumping her boyfriend, trying to get back with him and then having her heart broken a fair few times after that.

During the film her sister scolds her for this and tells her off for watching too much Bridget Jones and Sex and the City because though they glamorised being single all they basically did was moan about not having a boyfriend and search for one.

At the end of the film Johnson’s character says it’s not about learning how to be single – it’s about learning how to be alone, then once you do that it’s working out if you want to be.

It was a very inspirational film and not for the reason you may think. I didn’t suddenly have a epiphany, decide to dump my guy and learn how to be a single woman in a big city. But I shall explain…

I’ve been in the same relationship since I was 17 – and let me get this straight right now I wouldn’t want it any other way – this said, I’ve not only learnt how to single, I’ve learnt how to be alone and I’ve worked out whether I want to be alone or not.

how to be single 1

Last year I lived in Brighton, alone and I learnt how to be alone. This was the first time I’d truly  lived on my own; not knowing anyone, not having any family to fall back on, just me being a single woman in a big-ish city.

Unlike the protagonist in the film I didn’t go on a sex-mad boy-binge. I was faithful to my guy. But I learnt how to be alone.

And in all I realised I didn’t want to be. Not because I couldn’t, because quite frankly I can thrive and be just as happy in a flat alone as I am in a house full of people, but because I was happier in a relationship.

I sometimes used to fear what I would do if I wasn’t in a relationship. But now I don’t. I know I’d be ok, I’d thrive and be a perfectly adaptable and capable 20-something-year-old woman. And it’s not that I’m just happier in any relationship, but I’m happier in my relationship.

This all said, I do agree with the end of the film, the times you are single or just alone and away from any kind of relationship, you should grab it and embrace it, because you never know when you’ll be able to again.

I think everyone should learn how to be alone/single. Not by breaking up with your significant other or travelling clear across the country, but by just embracing those moments you are alone.

Oscar Wilde once said: “I think it’s very healthy to spend time alone. You need to know how to be alone and not be defined by another person.” and I couldn’t agree more. But I’ve had my major alone time and I’m cool with not being alone now, but any alone moments I have from now on I’m going to embrace them.

Ta ta now



One thought on “It’s not learning how to be single, it’s learning how to be alone.

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