When I was six I was pretty sure I was going to be a Superstar, more specifically Baby Spice, Marry David Beckham, or Leonardo DiCaprio, or Prince William/Harry – (It’s not I wasn’t fussy, it’s that I was truly a hopeless romantic as a child!) and live in one of those gorgeous massive houses in a big glamorous city, like LA (which at the time I thought everyone lived in a huge mansion around movie set!)
When I was 13, I had given up hope on these Men, they got married, ‘old’ and in my mind the Princes would tie me down, which and I quote from a diary I once wrote, when I was 10 “I don’t think I could give them the commitment of the of being a princess. It would tie me down to the palace, and I want to be a woman of the world” (I was certainly creatively minded!) and decided I was going to be uber glamorous like on Sex and the City, Marry Orlando Bloom or Mark Owen and be a famous Movie star or singer (obviously, Mark would let me sing with Take That!) – I was going to do all this by travelling around the country and getting noticed and instantly become a superstar.
I did travel round, I did get noticed, and had my face on screen. No, superstar status (yet) but frankly I put all that on the back burner when I discovered other things I love doing, and I’m not half bad at! Obviously I could easily be a star, but I’m giving others a chance to catch up! 😉
I said not too long ago, I want to do it all, every aspiration, I don’t want to have to choose. But lately, I’m finding it a bit hard to do all these things, and the idea of spending the next three years, until I’m in my mid-twenties, in full-time education so fecking daunting and a bit depressing (also a tad expensive!). So I’m trying to force myself to choose a more permanent path or at least be more decisive of what to do first and when to do things. Which is much easier said than done!
So my search bar on Google (along with being full of dissertation topics) has been full of “Fast-track NCTJ courses” “post-grad in Shakespeare” “Secondary PGCE” “MA in Media or Drama or journalism or teaching” and many more things, that included lots of capital letters which insanely are starting to shout “just stop!” at me, like shouty capitals!
Frankly, as it’s been drawing in closer and closer to deadlines (It’s only November too!) I’ve been a glass of vino away from floating up the river Trent with cement block attached to my ankles!
In honesty, I think I may be making this more difficult than it needs to be, I’m just usually so sure about my career prospects, it’s a strange feeling of knowing, but not knowing how or when.
So, I’m currently trading my beloved wine for tea – this time not out of illness – but to calm myself down and think about not just “What do I want to be when I grow up” but “How am I going to get there!”
But no matter how hard it is for me to figure things out, this always gives me hope: