During the summer, my bestie effectively ‘broke up’ with her boyfriend. For arguments sake they ‘took a break’ – yes quite like the case on Friends – but it was to concentrate on their 3rd year studies. There was no foul reason for break-up and wanted to be with each other. Eventually the inevitable happened and voila; back together!
But between all this there was a state of no-man’s land: Should they be together? What does it mean he/she said this? Are you in a relationship? Are you not? Ect. We’ve all been there… Even me…Though this seemed to come to a shock to everyone that was there at the time. One girl even went to the extent to say I had no right on an opinion of my best friends relationship [I hasten to add, she’s not even remotely friends with my bestie] because I’ve ‘always had a smooth a perfect relationship’ well as far as any of them were concerned.
Right, a perfectly smooth relationship? Who actually has one of those? Anyway, this girl was obviously not around 2, 3 and nearly 4 years ago when the drama really did hit the fan…
When I first met the man I’m going to marry it was a bit awkward; he was already in a relationship. But we didn’t start out thinking we’d be in a relationship or an affair. Nothing sordid. We actually decided we’d be friends. He dumped his girlfriend anyway; which he’d been planning to for months. After that we established we had feelings for each other and suddenly I had no idea what to do.
I was in the very first no man’s land you hit with relationships. Suddenly you start questioning everything: What does it mean he paid for dinner? He wants to come to my house? He wants to meet his friends? But most importantly; are we or aren’t in or going to be in a relationship? I was bloody terrified to say the least. Over two weeks we’d go out with his friends and I got the typical “You’re so much prettier than his ex” or “Wow you two make a great couple”. Hello terror induced panic attack – we weren’t a couple. Or were we? I had no flaming idea! Luckily for me I didn’t have to ask any questions and after two weeks on a drive home he asked if I thought I was still single. Bring on another terror induced panic attack of what do I say at this point? But I bit the bullet and said ‘no’ – he replied with “Oh I’m dead glad you said that, I was nervous about asking you out” phew I was relieved, to say the least, that he was as nervous as I was about the dreaded definition talk. But we worked through it together.
Another no-mans land hit when his ex decided to become Glenn Close of the new millennium i.e a complete bunny boiler! (If you don’t know the reference the term came from Fatal Attraction (1987) in which one of the main characters (Glenn Close) kills her adulterous lovers (Michael Douglas) daughter’s pet rabbit and leaves it boiling in a pot on the stove. Ergo: Bunny Boiler came to life. It’s a fab film – watch it if you haven’t)
She would add me as a friend on Facebook or send me messages saying “He still loves me” ect all that lame stuff. She became quite the keyboard warrior and completely insistent on the thought I’d stolen “her” man. But it got worse; she got her friends involved saying I was the trouble. She got all weird, I ended up getting blog posts copied, weird texts/emails/calls. Rob got dodgy birthday/valentines/Christmas cards and in the end I got all my personal accounts hacked (I’ll verify now the police are absolutely effing useless with online stuff – or they were!) Eventually she’s kind of backed off a wee bit since venturing into a new relationship – but still has the odd comment [she actually had the cheek to comment about my dead mother] but thankfully she’s crawled into a hole for a bit.
This created a no-mans land for me because it was so stressful for Rob and I. It put such a strain on the relationship and we eventually sat there one day going ‘Should we have a break?’ – yes we actually thought about it. We were in a patch where it was far from smooth. But we realised we were being stupid. We loved each other too much and we were also too ridiculously happy despite what she’d said and done. We thought eff her why should it bother us.
No one has a perfectly smooth relationship and I know I can be complacent in this fact of life. Everything has it’s up’s and down’s – even Robert and I and we’re an incredibly happy and dynamic couple. It’s just how you work through it, evaluate situations and grab hold of tenacity that get’s you through these and of course in reference to my friends who got many opinions when they broke up: only listen to the opinions that matter the most to you!
Forget everyone else – you want to be together, be together. Just know that how ever you may be envious of a seemingly perfect relationship remember nothing and no-one is perfect – that’s what make’s relationship’s perfectly normal to me!
P.S. Pinch, Punch, First of the Month!